Father’s Day
“A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”
I’ve been a daughter. I’ve been a wife. I’ve been a mother to two. And I have no memory of celebrating Father’s Day. Not one card. Not one gift do I recall purchasing for the two men in my life. What I do remember is this: the men in my life worked every day. Seven days a week. No holidays. Maybe we didn’t celebrate Father’s Day because we didn’t see them. We were too busy being kept to say thank you.
As a young girl, we never did anything on the weekends as a family. If we had, I believe it would have been extraordinary. I would remember. The point is, my dad worked hard to provide for us. He was never able to attend a school play or a sporting event. He never complained. Perhaps we didn’t appreciate his ambition to make life better for us.
My husband worked a six day week. He also was rarely able to enjoy watching our children in school plays. He came late to all of our son’s sporting events. He never complained. Now he’s retired and I wonder; is it reflection that makes me see the Father’s Days we missed? Is it that fathers seem to slide by even though in my life my father and my husband were the structure holding everything up?
Perhaps for me Father’s and Mother’s Day have different vibes. While both holidays are about appreciation, Father’s Day often feels more laid-back, with a focus on shared activities and casual celebrations like grilling, maybe watching a game on TV. Mother’s Day, on the other hand, tends to be more sentimental. Yet fathers and mothers work as a team. As a team they raise children, dysfunctionally or not, you do it as a team. I always felt if your kids live, you did a good job.
Of course there are single parents who raise their children single handedly. Those people are superhuman. Both men and woman struggle to keep a home safe for their children, with food on the table. Still, to single one sex out for a day feels off. We don’t give medals to one half of the team. Which is why I would advocate for a combination of the day and call it “Parent’s Day,” which is already on the calendar. On the fourth Sunday of July, President Clinton made it a law in 1994. But isn’t Parent’s Day redundant?
It took four presidents and 62 years to make Father’s Day a holiday: Presidents Wilson, Coolidge, Johnson and Nixon. Congress rejected this idea because they felt it would just be commercialized. And they are right because we spend over a billion dollars a year on gifts to celebrate our fathers.
This Sunday is Father’s Day. If you’re still lucky to have your father, and you live close by, perhaps you’ll grill or watch a game on TV. For those who live far, you’ll make that ten minute phone call to check in. For those of us whose father’s have passed away perhaps its a time to think about them and visualize what you would say to the man who brought you into this world.